Many sex addicts have spoken these words hoping to move their partner beyond their betrayal. They want to turn the page, start fresh, and turn over a new leaf. And they feel that their partner should be willing to forget the past and move forward without ever bringing up the betrayal again.
So when will a wounded partner get over it? When will they quit bringing up the past? Only when they have healed from the trauma caused by the sex addict.
Fair? It is not a question of fairness. It is a question of healing. Someone who has been badly traumatized cannot will themselves to "just get over it." Witness the many veterans who continue to deal with the trauma caused in combat years later. They want to move on but without help many are not able to heal.
Partners of sex addicts can indeed heal and they can do it more quickly if the one who wounded them can be patient, forget the idea that the healing will correspond to any date on the calendar, and personally get into recovery from their sex addiction.
Whether you are a sex addict or a wounded partner, I know it is possible to stop all acting out behavior forever, heal the trauma caused by sex addiction, and have a fully restored relationship.
-Dr. Milton Magness, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor.
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